The Geese

“Prime Minister, the Geese? You can’t be serious?” Minister MacAulay said.

“You heard me.”

“Surely we can try something else? Maybe contact the Americans?”

“No. All they will do is bring us into a war that will never end. This needs to be handled swiftly. Ruthlessly.”

“But the Geese, sir? Aren’t you worried about civilian casualties?”

“Our people know to stay out of their way. The aliens don’t. Our people will be safe.”

“But…”

“This discussion is over. Alert Commander Eyre at once.”

Minister MacAulay waddled out of the office and pulled out his cell phone. Scrolling through his contacts, he clicked on the name John Wayne and the dial tone rang in his ear.

“Lawrence, how are you my good man?” Commander Eyre asked.

“Release the Geese.”

“Excuse me?”

“This is straight from the Prime Minister himself.”

“He must be out of his mind?”

“I’m afraid he is not.”

Commander Eyre did not answer. Minister MacAulay moved the phone closer to his ear and looked at the ground.

“Wayne? Did you hear me?”

“I heard you...God have mercy on our souls.”

The phone beeped twice and the call ended. Minister MacAulay walked to the adjacent mahogany door and entered his office. His bookcases flanked him on both sides, filled to the brim with stories of war and loss. In front of him, the sun shined through the window, highlighting his pristine desk. On the desk was only a laptop and a cardboard box with a lamp sticking out. The room began to dim as cloud cover blocked the sun and he heard a sound coming from outside. He ran to his desk and looked out the window, up toward the clouds. But there were no clouds. Only geese. The grey feathered cloud turned the land into night, their choir of honks sent a shiver down his spine.

“What have we done?”

Tour Guide

Kenny squinted. “You need a tour guide?”

“Yes. You do work for the hotel? Don't you?” the alien said.

Kenny looked down at the short green alien that looked more like a kid wearing a little red Hawaiian shirt with sunglasses. His little green feet were consumed by the fine sand of the beach. Behind him was the alien’s wife, Suzu, picking up a blue towel. She was dressed in a pink sundress and an over-sized white hat that also seemed odd for such a small green alien to wear.

“Gooey, did you find us a tour guide?” Suzu asked.

“Well slick, what do you say? Give us a tour around the island?” the alien said to Kenny.

“Okay...Gooey,” Kenny said, still trying to process how an alien booked a room at a hotel.

“My name is Gorzon. Only my wife calls me Gooey,” Gorzon said, wrapping his arm around her as she walked up next to him.

“Alright Mr. Gorzon. Where would you like to go?”

“You're the tour guide. Lead the way.”

Kenny walked up the beach, back to the company jeep. The logo of Angel Beaches Resort was plastered on the side of the white door. Kenny opened the back door and helped the two into the backseat. Suzu cuddled next to her husband in the back, draping the blanket over them both.

“Oh, isn’t this romantic Gooey? Taking a ride on a slow moving craft around the beach,” Suzu said.

“It sure is,” Gorzon said, holding her close.

The jeep came alive at the turn of the key and Kenny started driving down the windy paved road. All around them was the natural beauty of the island. Palm trees swayed in the breeze, while the colorful flowers on the side of the road waved to them. A large cliff side rose above them on their right and on their left was a deep valley overseeing the tropical forest below.

“Hey guide, aren’t you going to tell us about each location?” Gorzon asked.

“Um...sure. On your left you will see a valley,” Kenny said, unsure what he was supposed to say.

“There is no name for it?”

“Yes...it is the...Spring Valley. Known for its...um...plants and exotic animals.”

“Oooh, like what?” Suzu asked.

“Like lizards. And...deer?” Kenny said, shrugging.

“Deer? Really? I never knew deer lived on the island,” Suzu said.

“Yeah most people don’t. But they are nocturnal so you won’t see them,” Kenny said, trying to sound confident. He was unsure if deer lived on the island, let alone if they were nocturnal.

“Fascinating,” Gorzon said, trying to peek farther out of the jeep.

Kenny drove for the next few miles, making up a name to a different “landmark” and backstory every quarter mile. He did that to stop Gorzon from asking what every car they passed was. After the fifth car, Kenny realized Gorzon could not grasp the concept that because a car looked different and had a different color, it was still called a car. It also distracted him from the horrible smell that they gave off. He didn’t notice it before, but every second they were in his jeep, the smell got more pungent. It smelt like a bottle of grease and moldy cheese spilled in his vehicle. Even the open air didn’t help the stench. Eventually, they arrived at the other side of the island to another beach almost identical to the first one.

“Alright, here we are.”

“We are back at the beach? That was a quick tour,” Gorzon said, opening the door.

“Yep. It is a small island.”

“Well I’ll say,” Suzu said. “Oh Gooey, you spilled my drink.”

Kenny looked in the back seat to see a small silver can tipped over and a black liquid soaking into the floor mat.

“I’m sorry dear, I’ll get you a new one when we get back at the hotel,” Gorzon said.

“I’m so sorry, mister. I don’t think that will come out,” Gorzon’s wife said to Kenny.

“It’s okay. It’s the company vehicle. Someone will get that cleaned up,” Kenny said.

“Well I insist on paying for the damages. I remember the last time I spilled one on the rental ship we got. They had to rip out the entire panel to get the smell out.”

Suzu reached under her blanket and pulled out a small sack of gold coins.

“You still take gold?” she asked.

“Um...yes,” Kenny said, shocked he was getting paid in gold.

The two aliens hopped out of the jeep and left him the sack of gold. They waved goodbye and went down to the beach to find another nice spot to soak in the sun. Kenny looked inside the small sack. It was easily worth twice his salary for the year. He drove away with a smile on his face, ignoring the horrid smell in the back. Who would have thought giving tours could be so lucrative?

Human Bites Zombie

"You want us to do what?" Franklin said, taking off his glasses.

"Just take a bite. Like you would a hamburger," Greg said.

"But this isn't a hamburger. Greg what you're talking about–"

"Is what? Not sanitary? Not normal?"

"Complete insanity!"

"Oh, so they can bite us, but we can't bite them? Sounds like a double standard if you ask me."

The grotesque man in the jail cell rammed the bars. He reached his decaying arms out to grab them, but his arms were not long enough. His moans echoed in the small room, longing for their flesh.

"You want to eat a zombie? Fine. Go for it!" Franklin said.

"I didn't say eat...only bite a little."

"I'm not doing it."

"I see you're not convinced. I'll show you how it's done."

Greg turned to face the zombie still grasping at air. The zombie's skin was a puke green hue and puss oozed from its cheek. Greg took off his loud Hawaiian shirt and wrapped it around his hand. He grabbed ahold of the zombie's hand like giving a handshake. The zombie dug its chipped fingernails into Greg's covered hand, unable to reach the skin. Greg swooped his head down to the zombie's forearm and sunk his teeth into the zombie's squishy flesh. The skin gave way like Fruit Gushers, squirting a liquid into Greg's mouth.

Greg released the zombie from his bite and stepped out of reach. The zombie stopped trying to get at Greg and backed away from the bars. The zombie rubbed its skin where Greg bit it and the skin peeled off, revealing tan, healthy skin underneath. The zombie kept rubbing up its arm, revealing more normal human skin underneath. This continued until what stood before Greg and Franklin was no zombie, but a person. 

"What...happened?" the former zombie spoke.

Greg wiped his mouth with his rolled up shirt. "You have been cured my good sir. Just let the record show, Franklin was going to kill you.”

"I never said that."

The former zombie shook his head. "Cured? From what?"

"You were a zombie. Franklin didn't want to save you, so I took it upon myself. No need to thank me though. It's kinda my calling. Like a doctor. Or a race car driver," Greg said, putting his shirt back on.

The former zombie held his head and closed his eyes. "I'm so confused."

"Don't worry, so is Franklin here. I'm going to head out, Franklin will catch you up. Might even find you a job with that cute girl who makes those amazing deer sausages. What's her name? Wendy?" Greg said, walking backwards to the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Franklin asked. 

Greg reached into his pocket and put on his aviator glasses. "To save the world.”

The Atlantis Contract

"What did you do with the Atlantians?" Grogdor asked, pointing his long finger at them. 

Ambassador Yi looked to his fellow Earth ambassadors. They shrugged and shook their heads. Yi looked back at the tall humanoid creature. "Atlantians? Who are they?"

"Don't play games with me, human. What did you do to them? The rightful rulers of this water world."

"Are you referring to Atlantis? Like the Lost City of Atlantis. The myth," Ambassador Stevenson said from the group.

"Myth? It is no myth. I visited the great city of Atlantis the last time I was here."

The ambassadors broke out in quiet conversation amongst each other. Grogdor watched their reactions to his revelation. They genuinely did not know about Atlantians.

"What year is it here?"

"2022," Yi answered.

Grogdor sat down and put his hand on his oval head. It had been so long they stopped using the Atlantian method. His skin turned from grey to a bright blue and became clammy.

"Did they pass down any knowledge to you? Anything?"

"I can have a historian check. I imagine whatever was passed down was not of much significance," Yi said.

"No treaties? Technology blueprints?”

"Oh no, nothing like that. Just stories," Stevenson said.

Grogdor paced back and forth in the room.

"Were there treaties signed? We would be willing to honor them, depending on what they say?" Yi offered.

"There were treaties. Thousand of them. For each of the different space faring civilizations. Now that the Atlantians are gone everything is void."

"What do you mean by everything?"

"I mean everything. We are all completely screwed. Is that the proper term? Screwed?”

"What happens when these treaties void?"

"For most of the treaties it means very little. But there is one that is a big problem. The treaty with the Darfrens."

"Who are they?" Yi asked.

"A small species, much like your raccoons, except far more intelligent and unforgiving. The Atlantians made a deal with them to research emerging technology in land/sea travel. Something small, fast, and could safely attach weapons on it. In exchange they wouldn't rape your planet for it's resources, or kill your people. Normal boilerplate stuff.”

"We are researching new technology all the time. I'm sure we can uphold this treaty."

"No. Now that Atlantians are gone and you don't have the document, you have no standing. Since my species also vouched for the Atlantians, we will also suffer for this."

"Surely we can renegotiate with them?"

"Sure. But who is going to co-sign? My people won't. Not after they hear about this. We were the only species that found them worthy of a shot. And your people have gone backwards in technology advancement. It is not a good look from an intergalactic perspective."

"But like you said, you will suffer for this too. Might as well help us get up to speed.”

"You are thousands of years behind from where the Atlantians were. You only have a hundred years left to bring them something. I was expecting to see a final product and more prosperous land. Instead all I see is pollution, ugly cities, and you still struggle to leave your own atmosphere."

"We will make something. Even if we have to dedicate all our resources. Just give us a chance," Yi said. The rest of the ambassadors nodded in agreement.

Grogdor looked into each one of their eyes. He could feel their collective will to succeed. Or maybe their desperation. 

"Fine. I won't tell my people about this, but you better have something. Darfrens don't take kindly to being cheated."

"We promise. On behalf of all humans on Earth, we won't let you down."

"Good."

Grogdor tapped the inside of his wrist and disappeared in an instant. In the time it took him to blink he was back on his spaceship, surrounded by his crew.

"How did it go?" Everelli said. 

Grogdor looked back at her without saying anything. The silence of the ship stayed just long enough for Grogdor to break a smile. She smiled back. The rest of the crew roared with laughter.

"They bought it. So gullible those humans," Grogdor said.

"Even the Darfrens bit?" 

"Didn't question it once. I can't believe they think there is a species of smart raccoons."

"What did you get them to do?"

"I don't even remember.”

Everyone let out another roar of laughter and their ship sped off into the vast cosmos like a comet in the sky to mess with another unsuspecting civilization.