Vampire Crush

I was the luckiest guy in school. Paula Jenson, the prettiest girl in school, asked me out. Me, Brendan Jasper, the overweight nerd with a shirt pocket full of pens, out on a date. Well, it wasn't a date. It was just to hangout at her place, but her parents weren't home. Sounded like a date to me. Little did I know what was all planned for the evening. 

When I got there, I was super nervous. I was sweaty and my face was as red as a lobster. It must have been a turn on, because when she opened the door to greet me, she was practically salivating. No woman had ever looked at me like I was a tasty meal. Usually they looked at me with disgust or contempt. Paula was different. She genuinely wanted me. I could tell by how her blue eyes sparkled, staring deep through my very soul. Her blonde hair was done up, held together by a black hair scrunchie. She was even wearing a nice sundress, which was much different than her normal, albeit more sexy, skinny jeans and Hollister top. It meant I was important enough to dress up for, or at least that's how I took it. My confidence grew by the second and she pulled me inside. Wow, she was eager. 

First, Paula gave me a tour of her folks place, which was quite something. Victorian era everything from the furniture to the wallpaper. It even had a study full of books that made our school library look pathetic by comparison. I could've stayed in the dreamland of books forever, but alas, my lady wanted me elsewhere. Her bedroom.

"Sit down and make yourself comfortable. I'm going to make us some tea," Paula said after ushering me in her room and taking off again down the stairs.

I sat there awkwardly in her plain looking room wondering what to do. She brought me to her room, but I had no idea how to proceed. Did she want to talk in private or was she insinuating something else? I didn't want to misstep anywhere and screw it up. After all, a guy like me would be lucky to even be in the same hemisphere as her. In no time, she came back with two cups of piping hot tea. 

When I took the cup from her, I felt her hands were still cold. When she was pulling me around the manor, I thought for sure she just had poor circulation. My hands were almost on fire from holding the cup of tea, but she walked it up here without a yelp or a yip. 

I had to put it down on her dresser so my hands didn't melt off. "Wow this is hot. How can you handle it?"

"I guess I just don't feel it," she took a sip, not breaking eye contact from me. 

"You have a wonderful home. How long have you lived here?"

"All my life that I can remember. My family has owned it for generations. I saw you really liked my dad's study."

"It is remarkable! Has he read all of those books?"

"We all have."

Beauty and brains. "Wow! What is your favorite one?"

"I can't really pick one. Classic stories like Dracula and Frankenstein come to mind. Their renditions are a bit inaccurate, but still entertaining." She put her cup down next to mine and sat next to me on the couch. Her hand slowly snaked closer to my thigh. "Lately though, I have found a lot of pleasure in anatomy."

I gulped. Not like a silent gulp, but like a loud one she definitely heard. A smile grew on her face, undeterred by my now stiff neck. I thought I would be excited having her come on to me, but in the moment I was terrified. Her cold hand rubbed my jeans while her foot pulled my sock off. It was moving too fast and I had to say something.

"Um…Paula. Are you sure we should–" I said before her finger touched my mouth. 

"Shhh. You haven't even heard what my favorite body part is."

"Um…I think I can take a guess."

She leaned and whispered into my ear. "Veins."

"Wait…what?" I asked, but my answer was given far too quickly. 

In an instant, she sunk her fangs into my neck. I had given blood before, but this was on another level. It felt like extra large needles rammed into my neck. My blood left my body like water from a water hose or at least it felt like that. I tried to roll on top of her, but she dug in deeper. The pain was way worse when I moved and I became lightheaded. It wasn't long until I was in and out of consciousness.

What I remember right after that was blurry. She kept taking breaks and playing with my hair. Whenever I would start to move, she would dig in again. After the fourth time, she looked more panicked than excited. Next thing I know, I was wrapped up in a tarp and dragged around her house. Once we got to the stairs, she knocked me out on one of the steps. When I woke up, it was dark and I could feel something cold and heavy on top of me.

The tarp had me constrained fairly well, but my pens came in handy. I was able to wiggle one to my hand and cut open the tarp. It took some effort, but I shimmied my way out of tarp and pushed the dirt off me. She tried to bury me alive in a shallow grave. Crazy did not begin to describe it all. My crush was a vampire who tried to bury me like a dog bone.

There was no reason to stick around and my car was in front of the house still. I made a dash for it, when I saw headlights pulling in the driveway. Her parents were home and if she was a vampire, I bet the parents were too. Before the lights shined on me, I dove into the bushes next to the house window. The clunk of the doors closing made me jump, thinking they knew I was there. I had to listen carefully to know the best time to make a break for it. The door creaked open and closed and it wasn't a second when I heard her dad speak…or rather yell.

"What the hell is this!" Paula's dad said.

I heard footsteps rushing down the stairs and wanted to make a break for it, but I wanted them farther away from the door I would inevitably need to pass.

"Mother. Father…what are you doing home so soon?" Paula's voice was timid and almost scared.

"Do you mind telling me why our floor has blood smears on it?" Paula's dad took a few more steps and lost it. "Good God Paula! Even the stairs are a mess!"

"I'm sorry. I was going to clean it up–" Paula began before getting a slap to the face. 

She tumbled to the ground and her head bounced against the banister. How did I know this? Once I heard the smack of his hand I shot straight up staring into the window. Her dad was standing over her in a black suit, seething with rage while Paula covered her cheek and cried. Even though she tried to kill me, I felt sorry for her. She didn't deserve that. No one deserved to be abused, no matter what they did. I was going to intervene, but then I remembered, they are vampires and I am probably one pint away from death. All I could do was watch. 

"Get up." 

Paula did as she was told, but was unable to look her dad in the eye. It worked out in my favor, since if she looked up, I would be done for. 

"I'm sorry, Father. I–"

"I don't want to hear your excuses. You defiled our home. Even humans know better to only eat at the dining table. You will clean this up before you go to bed. Is that understood?"

She nodded. 

"Good." Her dad marched off and Paula's mom came over to comfort her. And I would be remiss if I didn't comment on her gorgeous evening gown. Ruby red dress leaving her supple back exposed. Easy to see where Paula got her good looks from.

"It's okay, dear. Nothing that can't be fixed." Paula's mom reassured her. "Did you at least get rid of the body?"

"Yes, mother."

Her mom took a sniff. "Hmmm. Smells like a boy. Was he cute?"

"Kinda," she said, but her blush gave her away. I had no idea vampires could blush. I also had no idea vampires existed until then. I had a lot of questions.

"You're blushing. How long ago did you eat?"

"There was so much, you wouldn't believe it. I am still full, I couldn't even finish."

Her mom smirked and glanced up the stairs. "Oh, I would believe it. Why don't we go upstairs and get something to clean this up?"

They both went up the stairs and I took that as my cue to get the hell out of there. The trick was turning on my car without being heard or seen. I quietly ran to my car and not a creak came from my door. Thank God! I made sure to manually switch off the lights and sat in my car for a second, wondering how I was going to pull this off. Cars aren't silent and sometimes mine had a tendency to not start on the first attempt. 

"Please baby, work for me. I beg of you," I whispered to my steering wheel and turned the key. It whined for a second and turned over with a full roar. "Yes!"

I backed up slowly out of the driveway. My heart was pounding in my chest. I was about to escape undiscovered when her dad opened the door. Out of reflex, I turned on my lights to blind him and turned off onto the main road behind me. At this point there was no hiding my escape, so I peeled out of there as fast as I could. I thought for sure I would get into a chase or something, but all he did was shake his head as if I was some random kid pulling shitties in the parking lot. It was a small relief, but a new terror entered my mind. How was school going to turn out tomorrow?

***

The next morning did not come soon enough. I had nightmares whenever I started to actually fall asleep. My blankets felt more like wet wipes, but it beat being buried alive with a tarp for a forever blanket. The whole time I kept thinking, what am I going to do about Paula? She tried to kill me. Shouldn't I tell the police? It was a serious consideration when I got home yesterday, but I thought about it. No one would believe me and if they did, any evidence would be cleaned up.

What else could I do? I still had to go to school. I had a final in chemistry that I could not miss, even though Paula sits across from me in class. There was no avoiding her. I needed advice, so after I got dressed with something that would hide the bite marks, I went to see my dad. He was always a good listener and occasionally gave good advice.

My dad was in the garage, as he was every morning, working on picking a new lock. It was his morning ritual before heading off to his real job, which if I am being honest, I didn't know what he did. He jumped around jobs so much, it was hard to keep track. When I knocked on the door, he spun in his chair, beaming like my little sister Jeanie after beating us all in mini golf.

"Brendan, come in. I'm almost done with this one," he said and returned his focus on his lock.

"Um…dad can we talk?"

He didn't take his eyes off the lock. "Of course, what's on your mind son?"

"I was wondering if you could help me out with a hypothetical."

"I certainly can. What is it?"

"So…what would you do if someone tried to kill you and thought they succeeded, but they didn't, and you have to see them the next day?"

"That is tricky." My dad contorted his face, clearly focusing more on the lock. "Do you absolutely have to see this person tomorrow?"

More like today. "No way around it."

"Where you are meeting this person, are you safe?"

"It's a semi public place."

"Interesting."

"Really?"

A click came from the lock. My dad lifted up his arms in victory. "Yes! I got it!"

"Were you even listening to me?"

"I certainly am. What I would do in that situation is give them a hug."

My dad had clearly lost it. "A hug?"

"Yeah. You aren't in danger if you meet in public and clearly they are in need of some love. Give them a hug. If it's a girl, you give her a big smooch on the cheek. They like that."

"I think we have some consent issues with the kiss."

"Pfff. I think you are way past worrying about consent if a woman is trying to kill you. And besides, who doesn't love a good smooch? How do you think I won over your mom?"

I had to leave after he winked at me. He was not taking this seriously. Then again how could he? My scenario is completely ridiculous. I knew I would come up with something. After I grabbed a poptart from the pantry, I hopped in my car and mindlessly drove to the most awkward school day of my life.

My school wasn't much to look at. A generic brick building that was probably made back in the fifties. The inside was even older looking, except for our chemistry lab. It had a timeless look to it and was kept up well by Mr. Flanders. The sinks at every table were new along with some bunsen burners. It was an open secret that the principal and him were seeing each other, thus why his lab was the newest thing here. There was another rumor that the reason it was so clean was to hide what goes on after hours. I always suspected it wasn't true. I've seen our principal a few times. She was always grumpy.

The school day went by in a blur. All I remember was talking to my pal, Rosco, at lunch and chemistry class at the end of the day. I thought it was a blessing for it to be at the end, but all it did was make me more nervous. The anticipation of it all made my stomach turn. All the possible scenarios swirled in my head. Once I opened the door to the class and saw the look on her face, my worries actually melted away.

Paula was always early and I always came in mere seconds before the bell because my locker was on the far side of the school. It's like the administration was trying to give me a hint or something. That bell, which declared my arrival, prompted her to lift her head up from her textbook she was studying. Her eyes grew two sizes and her jaw almost dropped to the floor. Surprise did not begin to describe her reaction and my relief. She was utterly petrified. I could only imagine what she was thinking. It gave me strength and confidence like no other.

"Hey there Paula. You ready for our chemistry final?"

Her mouth quivered and had difficulty finding words. "Uh…um…um–"

"You okay, Paula? You don't look so good."

"I'm…uh, fine…" Paula said and closed her textbook. She distracted herself by putting her book in her backpack below the table between us. Her head was hidden under the table, giving me a great line. I must have been channeling my inner dad.

"Don't go biting me down there."

She lurched her head up, banging the counter. Mr. Flanders arrived in time to see it and handed our table the exam.

"Are you okay, Paula?" Mr. Flanders asked, sliding an exam to her.

She rubbed her head and tried to smile. "Yes, I'm fine. Just bonked my head a little."

"You gotta protect that head of yours. You're gonna need it for this exam."

"Yes, Mr. Flanders."

He moved on to the next table and Paula didn't dare look up at me. She grabbed her pencil and started her exam. There was no point in talking anymore. I had won this round and oddly enough sounded like my dad. My newfound confidence paid off on my exam as well. I was the first one done with thirty minutes to spare. All I did was flip my exam over and watched Paula take her test.

She held her pencil so tight it almost broke in her grip. Every answer she circled was wobbly, uncertain of the answer. There was no way this exam was breaking her. It was me who was sitting across from her. Not everyday you kill someone and they show up the next morning. I was no vampire, but I imagine it was pretty distracting to her.

My mind started to wander from why she was so nervous to how beautiful she was. Sure, she tried to kill me, but I would be lying if she wasn't the most attractive woman I ever met. Her hair was combed nicely and mostly hid her face from me. I guess my gawking caught the attention of Mr. Flanders or maybe he noticed Paula was uncomfortable because he asked me to leave early so I didn't distract anyone.

He didn't have to tell me twice. Once I got up to leave, Paula's head shot up. I couldn't read her face, but she handed Mr. Flanders her exam and reached for her backpack. There was no way she finished her exam. She had one more page to do. Clearly she wanted to confront me and there was no better time. I opened the door and walked as fast as I could to my locker. There were more classrooms there, which meant more witnesses if she decided to finish the job. The problem was my lack of fitness prevented me from getting too far before her quick feet caught up to me.

"Brendan! Wait! Can you hold up a second?"

I don't know what came over me, but I actually stopped. I guess the middle of the hallway would have to do. At least there would be nowhere for her to run or stuff my body. She rushed over to me while still being careful to keep her distance.

"Can we talk?"

"About what?" I asked, trying to pretend nothing was wrong.

She looked down at the floor and swung her foot gently along it. "About…you know…"

I took a step forward. My heart pounded in my head the closer I got to her. She didn't look up as I approached as if expecting more punishment. It reminded me of when she was face to face with her dad. Paula almost shuddered from how close I was standing. It was painful to watch, but I knew what I could do to fix that.

I kissed her on the cheek. Soft and gentle like a parent would do for their child. She looked up at me, but didn't recoil away in disgust. Her eyes begged me for a reason for my bold move.

"That is the only smack your face ever deserves."

Water welled up in her eyes before she broke down and cried in my chest. I held her, feeling her whole body shake. This was a new experience for me, but naturally I knew what to do. She needed comfort and I was going to give it to her. After what felt like a few minutes, she pulled away and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Why…why aren't you mad?"

I smirked. "Might be the blood loss. My brain hasn't been working too good ever since."

She laughed. I knew she needed some levity from it all and to be honest I really didn't know why I wasn't mad. I should've been, but I wasn't. Must be genetic. My dad could forgive anyone pretty effortlessly. Maybe I can too.

"So, where do we go from here?"

"You let me take you out on a proper date. All I ask is that you come already full," I said, pulling on my collar.

"After all that I did to you and you know what I am, you still want to go out with me?"

"It depends. Did you mean what you told your mom about me?"

She smiled. "Which part?"

"Wait, there was more? Now you got to tell me."

Paula went up on her tip toes and kissed me. Her fangs pricked my lower lip ever so slightly, but it was a far cry from the pain last night. "I'll tell you tonight. Pick me up at seven?"

"Seven it is," I said. She turned around and I pinched her butt, getting her to jump. Paula turned around, looking a little annoyed, but I wasn't going to let her get away with stealing my blood so easily. "You get to sneak another taste of blood and I get nothing?"

She smirked, realizing there was some equivalency to it. "If I let you pinch me again, can I get another sip?"

"Save it for our date."

"I can't wait," she said, licking her lips.

I was playing with fire, but I didn't care. She was so much more interesting than anyone I had ever met and now we have so much to talk about. There is a whole new world I have never known about, other than what I knew from movies and books, which clearly some of it wasn't true.

And that is the story of how I met my girlfriend. Clearly our first date went well since I am telling this story, but I have much to learn. Vampire/human relations are tricky, but right now it is quite rewarding. Paula is even more amazing than I thought and I'm glad she didn't drain me for all I was worth. Now we just have to convince her parents I'm more than just a tasty sack of blood. Wish us luck tonight!

***